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Competition on the marriage market is rather tough, and active women move from one agency to another trying to find one that will really help. The others stick to one agency, make friends with agencies' personnel and their visits a way of socializing. The majority disappears after registration and a couple of following hopeful visits with no results, as women hope that applying to an agency will guarantee her finding a husband in no time. They try to contact men from the catalogues offered by the agency, but rarely receive a positive answer, because they don't know yet what to write. If later the agency phones asking them to fetch their letters, they may come, or may not, or come in a month time - depending if their way will be somewhere close by at the agency's office hours. If the agency doesn't phone, they will never come themselves. Even if a couple is really attracted to each other, the agency has total control over their correspondence. Many experienced agencies do not allow any money matter discussions between men and women, such questions should be discussed only with the owner. The agency will try to ensure a lady that she needs its help, and without it won't get right with a guy. The lady in her letters will ask her boyfriend to trust the agency, and do what they require. If he tries to do something in a different way, he starts receiving letters saying how she, his beloved one, was hurt by his negligence. If he does not trust her, they should stop any relationship. He made her cry. She could not sleep the whole night. He broke her heart... To avoid heartbreak when dealing with local agencies, ask about woman's real address and phone number in THE VERY FIRST LETTER. If she does not have a phone, ask her to arrange phone contact through friends or relatives. You need a way of direct contact for a case if you face problems with the agency. Give your postal address, and ask a lady to write you a "real" letter. Try to teach your lady to use email on her own, and encourage her studying English. But if she struggles a lot, you will be in better of using agency so long. Very seldom addresses of women are verified, and almost never women are contacted on the regular basis. All protestations that women featured are still available and don't correspond with anybody should not mislead you: even if a particular lady was not contacted by anybody through this agency, women never send their data to only one agency, and she is likely to get dozens letters through another service. Also, some agencies buy or rent addresses from local dating agencies sharing profits from sales.
Most of the ladies who apply to dating agencies can at least read and understand English. About 25% can speak some English, and probably 10% speak good English. In some cases women may exaggerate their ability to speak English, but in most cases they know enough to carry a conversation and/or exchange letters. Keep in mind that it is often much easier to communicate in a foreign language by writing than by speaking. Some women may have difficulty speaking English but write it very well. For the best chances at being being able to communicate well by letter, avoid slang or regional language, and write in straghtforward, simple sentences until you are sure that you understand eachother. In all cases, double-check your spelling and grammar. Poorly written letters will probably confuse women with limited English ability and cause women that speak the language well to hesitate about responding to you. A good idea is to let women contact you directly, especially if you are a bit shy or afraid of rejection. In this case you receive information "from the first hands", unedited, unrestricted, and - what is the most important - from women who are already interested in you. Place your personal ad in Russian newspapers and other introduction editions, like gentlemen catalogues or agencies listings. Advertising in Russian newspapers brings less selective but more prominent results. You will receive dozens of letters, mostly via regular mail, and will be able to reach women from smaller towns, who are not members of marriage agencies. Make sure you clearly stated all your requirements, otherwise you will have to look through hips of junk applications. How many letters you must write to find Your Only One? There is no definite answer. One can write 1 letter and fall in love with the perfect mate, another guy can send 50, and all his correspondence will inconceivably stop after 2-3 letters. The result completely depends on you and the efforts you put in. Getting 30-40% respond is normal. If you are young and good-looking, you will get more responses than if you are old and ugly, it's just natural. Don't choose too young women, and you will ensure that you'll get some responses. Another thing that works wonders: translation. Russians have no need in using foreign languages in their everyday life, and even if a woman can speak English, she struggles with reading letters. When you get 10-15 letters a day, you just look through photos, and then decide whose letters are worth to read. If your letter is in Russian, it will be read 100%. You can express yourself and assure that all your phrases will be understood correctly. It's a good idea to send a copy of your first letter. Russian postal services are not 100% reliable; letters may be stolen or lost. Always make it not later than a week after the first one, and put something extra in the envelope (a different photo, a brief letter describing your life during the last days etc). It's boring to receive exactly the same letter again. Do not forget to mention that it's a copy. Your First Letter Start the letter with "Hello" or "Hi". Addressing "Dear" has an intimate nuance in Russian so you'd rather keep it for the times when you know each other better. Introduce yourself; tell her where did you find her address. The necessary details to mention: your age, weight, height; marital status, children, education, occupation, religion, smoking, drinking (very important!), personality, interests, hobbies and the things you love, the place where you live. Your letter must be interesting to read. Good humor is the best way to make reading fun but don't be a clown. Never make jokes about the girl's appearance, her English etc. Better laugh at yourself. The optimum length of the letter - 1-2 pages. Keep it reasonably short but long enough to give a lady all essential information. You are not going to get respond if your letter consists of 3-5 sentences. Hand-written letters are definitely more personal, but printed letters are easier to read, especially if your handwriting is far from perfect. Sending a nice picture of you with the first letter is a must. Your face must be big enough to see expression of your eyes. Pictures of you at home or doing something are the most desirable. Natural pose and surrounding can say more about you than a professional picture from studio. A letter without photo looks impersonal and has 70% less chances to be responded. When send a photo with your email message, send it in JPEG format and make size of the files as small as possible (it must not exceed 20-30Kb). The things you should avoid Do not try to impress the women with the things you have. If you are well established in life, say about that, but don't make it your point. Try to avoid idioms or phraseology until you ensure that the woman is perfect in English. In the same time your sentences must not be super simple like "My eyes are blue. My hair is brown." There must be a person behind the phrases and whom you can imagine behind these ones? Using a girl's name few times through your letter makes it more personal but check carefully that you have changed it in all the places before printing. Do not try to persuade a woman that the other guys who write to her are going to just waste her time. Things you must never write about in the first letter: your divorce and what did you feel, problems/successes with women you usually have, any other problems in current life, your bad/good experience of communication with Russian women by mail or personally, chronic problems with health (excepting absence of arms or legs or being paralyzed), your anxiousness about loosing your hair, detailed content of your working responsibilities and any sexual questions. Some of the topics can be discussed later but not in the very first letters. Be specific describing yourself. A three-phrase "How-do-you-do" love letter is not likely to get more consistent reply (if at all). Write about your hobbies, your work, your home, about what do you like and what you do not. Again, be specific - don't just write you like books, music, movies and your dog - actually, most of us like at least some books (the literacy percentage is close to 100% in Estonia), some movies and some kind of music. Remember, she is looking for that one and only, so take a look inside yourself and search for some qualities that make you differ from the others - then, believe me, you will have much better chances for success. Don't, don't, don't use these Copy-and-Paste techniques - that will not take you far. A copied-and-pasted romance is definitely the least what a true Russian woman is interested in. Some tips
It's a good option if you can afford to travel and if your girl lives in a big city (preferably not far away from Moscow). In small towns you will definitely have the language problems (very seldom serving staff speaks English), and a trip to destination won't be comfortable. From the other hand, you will be able to meet the girl's family and friends. It is the best option to see a woman in her everyday environment, she will be natural in her relation to other people in her life – and this experience is invaluable. Meeting in Moscow, St. Petersburg or Kiev (or even in the third country) may be the most convenient for both of you. You can book two rooms in the same hotel and have lots of fun sightseeing together. But this way is more expensive and none of you can see more than the other one in person. No one is completely relaxed and in a familiar situation.
A Russian woman more than any other woman appreciates attention to her personality - consider it when writing your letters. It is not bad at all if You are a financially secure man, but, as a rule, that isn't all what Russian ladies seek in men. There is a lot of rich men around here (you've heard about the New Russians, I presume), and still You see beautiful Russian girls listed at our dating site looking for relationship with someone from the Western world. Russian ladies are more conservative about family relations than Western women are. As a rule, Russian women tend to be home oriented and become very caring wives, making their home to be a real home for those she loves. In return, a Russian woman expects her husband will give her a strong feeling of security, a feeling of being protected. Therefore, gentlemen who advice their ladies to stop immediately using payed dating service, to buy a computer, to take lessons in English - all that on their own, of course - are not likely to gain a success. Many Russian women have courage for a breakthrough, but they still dislike men who do not care about them in their deeds - words alone do not count much. Russian Women...did you know? Getting married is a very important and serious life step. People meet, date, fall in love and finally get married. But there are some adventurous souls who want to have an international family and, as a result, we find ads like this one: "Russian woman seeks a foreigner to create a happy strong family." Why do Russian women enjoy such a great popularity among foreign men? In
Russian folklore, most women are brave, sexy, courageous, smart and,
certainly, beautiful; they can ride the wildest horses, shoot straight
and save their beloved defenseless man. Just think of the James Bond
movie "From Russia with Love". Not quite James Bond Unlike James Bond movies, the heroines of Russian folklore, usually spend most of their time, dreaming and keeping food warm on the stove. An interesting and ancient Russian Folklore states that a strong woman gave her life, like a lamb, to her poor soul of a husband. The heroines of Russian folk tales feel a really special love towards their men - they always feel sorry for them, take care of them, save them from mortal danger without so much as a thought or care of their own well-being. They will often sacrifice their own happiness and even lives for the well being, happiness and wealth of their husband. These types of ideas and thoughts are put into Russian girls' heads from a very young age. In this manner, without even realizing it, Russian women learn from their mother's that a man is someone special who needs to be pampered and taken care of. This is part of the reason that Russian women are particularly popular all over the world. Russian Women for Marriage There are two main reasons why there are so many Russian women for marriage. Russian girls just love marrying foreign men. The first is that they easily fall in love and quickly devote their lives to the man they fall for. However, the prevalent reason is considered, by expert evidence to be their wish to create a strong happy family. Russian women seem to be disappointed in native men since they, being lazy or maladjusted to a new life, can't afford the luxury of a friendly and large family. Sometimes, it must be confessed, simple curiosity or a wish to change life radically moves a Russian woman to look for a foreign (often American) husband. Cultural Difference Finally, we shouldn't forget about the mentality, traditions, cultural differences and habits peculiar to the Russian nation. Russian character is typically compatible, more or less, with that of the French, the Americans, the Canadian people as well as the Western Europeans. Men from the Northern countries (Sweden, Norway, Finland) must be careful. Russian women seem to have a hard time becoming accustomed to the reserved Nordic character. To sum up, I wish you good luck in your search to find your one and only better half even if it's on the other side of the world.
There are many, many Russian women for marriage just waiting to be found. Courtship, in Russia, typically begins in the late teens. The minimum legal marrying age is 18. In times gone by, marriages were arranged and were a matter of practicality with the emphasis not being on romance. Birth control has been and is virtually nonexistent or, at the best, ineffective in Russia. Abortion is still the most common birth control method and the numbers have increased over the past two decades. Marriage was seen as a primary concern for young women. Society dictated that they marry and raise many children to help increase the population. To do otherwise was a disgrace. While there have been shifts in the statistics, the average age for first marriages, in Russia, is practically the same as it was at the beginning of the century; 24.4 for men and 21.8 for women (1989 data). During the Stalin era, education was stressed. As a result one will find that a majority of Russian women and men are very intelligent, hold degrees and, in fact, Russia's literacy rate is roughly 98%! Currently, women make up over half of the Russian work force, but represent about 90% of those unemployed. Due, in no small part to economics, Russia's population growth has declined in the 1990's. In 1994, it was -6%. In 1939, the majority of Russian households included five or more persons. By 1994, the average was 2.84 persons. In 1950, there were 12 marriage per 1,000 people; this declined to 7.4 in 1994. Divorce rates in 1950 were .5 per 1,000 people; up to 4.6 in 1994. With the onset of Soviet Russia, Church weddings; and the Church itself; became a thing of the past. ZAGS, or the Civil Registry Office, was established. This is where couples went to get a wedding certificate (marriage license) and to get married in a civil ceremony. The waiting period for the certificate is, typically, 30 days. These locations were/are known as Wedding Palaces and featured a public official bestowing the official blessing of the State upon the newlyweds all to the rousing stains of Mendelssohn's Wedding March. A Church wedding is still not considered official. Russian couples still need to get a certificate from the ZAGS. Additionally, if a couple lives together for two years, they are considered married. This is known as a Citizen Marriage. Today, whether one has a civil or Church wedding, a trip to the ZAGS to get the wedding certificate is required. Russian weddings last two days. The official ceremony is just a part of the wedding. Seth, an American business man linving in Minsk, married his Russian bride four years ago. Seth describes the two day wedding as follows: The Bride and groom arrive in seperate cars and are lead into seperate rooms where they are to wait until they are called. When they are called they are greeted by the receptionist in the entry of the registration hall with bread and salt. Then they are lead into the hall where the actual rites are to be held, they stand on a special carpet and the official reads a short speech and then asks the bride and groom if they do. Then there is an exchange of rings, the couples sign in the registry, then the witnesses sign and the couple are pronounced man and wife. The bread symbolizes the hope for health, long life and prosperity. Seth explains, In one part of the ceremony (at the reception) the bread is bitten into by the bride and groom, the one who takes the largest bite wears the pants in the family! After the wedding, it is customary for the wedding party to hop in their decorated cars and make a tour of their town's historically sites, leaving flowers at each. In Moscow, popular stops include the Grave of the Unknown Soldier and Sparrow Hills near Moscow State University. If you are in St. Petersburg, likely stops will be the Rostral Columns, the Bronze Horseman statue, Field of Mars and so on. Seth mentions other wedding traditions such as sprinkling of coins on the couple to sybolize wealth and others. There is "stealing the bride". If the groom takes his eyes off the bride, she might get stolen and the groom will have to pay ransom. Most Russian weddings have live music and some guy with a mic who tries to be entertaining, tries to keep everyone drinking and so on. After the tour of the town, a gala feast is held. This is not unlike wedding receptions in the West. The event features quantities of food, drink, dancing, toasting, singing and general merriment. The big difference being, it lasts for two days! The party seems to be the main event and the ceremony secondary. Seth remembers that Ludmila's (his bride) parents were not even there (at the ZAGS ceremony), instead they were already at the reception. In fact there seemed to be very little interest from the adults, and they all greeted us at the reception. I don't think there was a soul over 30 in the actual reading (ceremony) but plenty at the reception. Seth's experience brings up another question; it seems that there are a lot of Russian ladies, of all ages, looking for Western husbands. Why? Seth comments; They (Western men) drink less, make better husbands, cheat on their wives less and so on. I don't imagine there are too many American women that would stay married to a Russian guy for more than a few months. The foriegn men like them (Russian ladies) as well. They are normally much more concerned about family and want to start them at a much younger age. Where you find American women thinking about starting a family in their late 20's - mid 30's, Russian women tend to think, if by 22 you are not married with a child, they are an old maid. They also tend to perfer a man older than themselves. 10-15 years is not unusual. Pretty attractive for an American guy who will never get a date with anyone 10 years younger than himself.
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| PO BOX 28, 195267, St.
Petersburg, Russia Updated: 20 July, 2002 |
Tel:
+44 709 233 6770 — Fax: +44 709 208 7203 E-mail: russian_dating@mail.ru |
